Lisa and I decided we needed to go to a brewery with food, and since we’re quickly running out of Denver options (It’s going to be fun when we have to start taking weird road trips to places like Durango), decided to try out Bull and Bush.
We had heard a lot of good things, so we were pretty excited. It’s a bar with a dirty name, so we figured it had to be awesome.
(Aside from the dirty name this bar also features a logo that combines the Coppertone logo and mild child pornography. –Lisa)
After inviting people, contemplating inviting people and then uninviting other people, it was just Lisa and me. Which Lisa tweeted about.
It was self-seating, so we wandered until we found a table in the back where we were surrounded by several groups of middle-aged people who were excessively happy they were able to be out (which I enjoy because it makes me feel young and hip, even though most nights I’m home by 10).
The menu was vast and included everything from traditional pub food, to steaks to specialized burgers. Lisa and I decided to share a few appetizers, in true lady homosexual fashion, which was even more awkward to order, since we each also got a cup of french onion soup and everything we ordered involved cheese as a main ingredient.
Unfortunately, the thing that was most memorable about this brewery was the AWFUL server we had. I waitressed for 5 years to get through school, so I know what it’s like. And what most servers will tell you is that we can be very understanding people, but I can also tell when people are just shitty at their job, and it makes me even angrier.
Out of former server guilt and empathy, I’ll pretty much tip over 20% if you can remember to bring me my food. But something about this girl just made us want to hit her. It might have been her inability to do her job AT ALL. This almost warranted a negative tip but since we’re both going to hell for a variety of other reason we didn’t think “not paying your beer tab” needed to be added to the list.
Waitress: “Do you know what you’d like to drink?
Me: Well, we noticed there’s 7 beers, but the samplers come in threes. Could we do 2 samplers and get one other beer?
Me: Really? There is no way to do that? No way, that we could purchase one sampler for a dollar, or you could charge us for something and give us the extra beer?
Lisa: Okay, we’ll take these beers then and…
(Waitress nods and walks off)
Lisa: I was in the middle of a sentence, right? I clearly hadn’t finished talking, right?
To make a long story short, it went downhill from there. Our beers were warm, we had to explain to her that instead of telling us what the beers were, she should set them on the sampler page, and I’m pretty sure she forgot about the second beer.
(I contemplated ordering the specialty cask beers on the menu but figured any deviation from the normal might result in no beers at all and I was thirsty. -Lisa)
As we sampled the beers, Lisa proudly whipped out her notebook and offered to take notes for the evening.
After realizing we should probably start drinking our beer before we filled up on food, we got started. You’ll notice that one is in fact missing because you are NOT allowed to order beer samples in any interval other than 3.
Happy Hop Pilsner- It tasted like a stronger Keystone Light. Which isn’t something anyone wants. Especially when it’s kind of warm. And it most certainly does not make anyone happy or like they want to hop when they drink it.
“This is the worst.”
Julia- 1 boob
Lisa- 2 boobs
Allgood Amber Ale- Ambers are something we struggle with sometimes. Most of them have a copper taste, like you’re sucking on a penny, which is something that neither of us enjoy. However, this one really was “all good”. No copper aftertaste, and just the right amount of bitterness.
Tower ESB- This was a gypsy beer. At first taste, it seemed okay. And then a few seconds after swallowing, the very very bitter aftertaste set it. We still have no idea what ESB stands for, and our suggestions aren’t funny enough to share. “Extremely Shitty Beer?” was the best one, so that should tell you something.
“We don’t see these very often…which I’m glad about. Except that I forget that I hate them, so it’s always a terrible surprise.”
No Coast IPA- As IPA’s go, we like them to be bursting with flavor, and it’s what we expect. This one was weak. And not just weak, but bad weak, where all of the bad flavors seemed to be struggling to make themselves known on our delicate palates.
“They should’ve just called it Gross IPA.”
ManBeer- This is supposed to be a citrusy, malty and hoppy beer. The flavors were more subtle than the other IPA, which we appreciated. However, it wasn’t what we would call a “man beer”.
“They should’ve called it ‘MetrosexualBeer.’ That would have been more fitting.”
3 boobs (but only because it’s still an IPA)
Big Ben Brown Ale- Nutty flavor. Decent, nondescript beer.
Julia: What are you doing?
Lisa: I was cleansing my palate with sour cheese
Stonehenge Stout- had a great smokey flavor mixed with carmel. Decent.