We decided to go to Walnut Brewery, just off of Pearl Street in Boulder because it was walking distance. (Damn we’re good role models.)
Megan excitedly ran upstairs to her house to get her Mug Card (Walnut does a special program, where you get a Mug Card and every time you have a beer, you get points for it. Once you reach a certain amount of points, you get a really big cup and can fill it up for a cheaper price. If we had enjoyed any of their beers, we probably would’ve been more excited about this program).
*Side note- At this point in our day, Lisa kept claiming she felt completely fine, but had begun talking to animals. On the drive over, she waved quite earnestly at a dog in a truck and was offended he didn’t wave back. She tried again later in the day and luckily this time she was able to discern between dog and human and got a firefighter to wave back. For those of you keeping track, we’re 2 for 4 for spotting firefighters at breweries. This behavior continued the rest of the afternoon, as she communicated with 2 spiders, a very dirty cat that was missing patches of fur and a bird that clearly had a beak too big for its body. See pictures below.
We decided to sit outside and enjoy the nice weather. As you can see, the scenery was riveting.
As we went to sit down, the man at the next table looked over at us.
“Weren’t you guys just at Avery? Are you stalking us?” he joked.
Although this does seem like something we would do, normally Lisa and I keep our stalking limited to “online investigative journalism” or to attractive men who have money.
We informed him that we weren’t, but proceeded to have a delightful conversation with him and his wife. We even convinced them to take an Honorary Boob picture.
Because apparently we can’t go anywhere without eating, we ordered the ballpark pretzels and also the flaming cheese.
We ordered the sampler which consisted of 8 beers, plus we added on a seasonal sampler which actually changes about every month.
Onto the beer reviews.
If this post seems mildly indifferent and not as sparkling as usual, that’s because that’s how I would describe Walnut Brewery and its beers. They’re nice, but they’re not great. The food was decent, the beer was decent, the scenery was decent. This brewery is riding on the fact that they’re pretty much in the heart of Boulder.
As we sampled the beers and became more and more dissatisfied, Megan insisted that she’d enjoyed the beers here before. “A lot of times, I get combinations of two beers.” This was a serious tip-off that we were in for an unenjoyable series of beer.
We decided to do that with our last two samplers. It didn’t help. We all agreed that a beer should be good enough to stand on its own, and overall, none of the beers at Walnut Brewery were able to do that. The good news is the sampler was very cheap, with each 4 oz. beer costing less that $1. The bad news is that none of the beers excited us. At all. Had we been on a date with these beers none of us would have heard word he said but assumed he was an accountant and obviously have no personal interests, goals, or friends. While we would recommend Walnut as a slightly nicer place to go in Boulder, go for the food. Don’t go for the beer.
Then we all got kind of tired.
Seasonal Wheat- This beer tasted really similar to the white rascal. It had a very fruity aftertaste, which seemed to taste strongly like bananas and fructose.
Megan: “If diabetes was a beer. This would be it.”
Buffalo Gold – This is the basic beer at Walnut. It was good, but very non-descript. This is their version of Coors. It’s just kind of there.
(This was the point that Lisa started talking to birds.)
Indian Pale Ale- Again, this was a very general beer (do you notice a theme for this post yet?)
“This beer is the equivalent of that really nice guy your friend sets you up with. He’s nice and you go out with him a few times to appease everyone, but then you tell him you’re not looking for a relationship. This beer is missing the zsa-zsa-zu.”
James Red Ale- Okay, this review is just becoming sad. I didn’t even bother to write anything in my notes for this one. That’s how boring it was.
Julia: “I just spilled it on myself.”
Lisa: “You should’ve expected that.”
Big Horn Bitter- This was a not-so-bitter bitter beer.
Megan and Julia – 1 Boob
Lisa – 2 Boobs
Old Elk Brown Ale- This one tasted like Reverend Bathtub at Avery. Which means that it wasn’t flavorful as you drank it, then tasted like dishwater after.
Devil’s Thumb- – Again, we actually had nothing to say and at this point were considering not drinking any of the rest of the beer.
White Pelican Pilsner – Worst pilsner ever.
No one had a favorite. No one could even really come up with a Top 3 list.